"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my
toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start
behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she
looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you
don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma I saw you kissing
willie last night.' After this enlightening exchange, the silence was
deafening. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered
last of my dignity and walked out of the bank, with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me were screams of
"It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was
living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I
invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed
after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I
suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride down to
phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to
dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly
came on as a whole crowd of people yelled "SURPRISE". My entire family
parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins as well as my friends,
were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen on the spot in a
state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
Since then, no one in my family has planned any surprise parties.
A lady picked up several items at a discount store.
When she finally got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the
items had no price tag.
The checkout girl got on the public address system,
which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear, "Price check
for Tampax Super-size". But it got worse...
Someone at the rear of the store apparently
misunderstood the word Tampax' for 'Thumbtacks', and replied in a
business like tone, his voice booming over the same public address
system: "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind
you belt in with a hammer?"
1st Place- And the winner is . . .
This happened at a major AustralianUniversity,
during a biology lecture. A professor was discussing the high glucose
levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked, "If I
understand you correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in
male semen as in sugar? "The professor responded, "Yes, that's correct"
adding some statistical data to his lecture. Raising her hand again,
the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out
laughing. The poor girl turned bright red, and as she realised exactly
what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books, and without
another word, walked out of the class - and never returned. However, as
she was heading for the door, the professor's reply was a classic.
Totally straight faced, he answered her question. "It doesn't taste
sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your
tongue and not in the back of your throat."