4th  Place

"While  in line at the bank one afternoon, my
toddler decided to release some pent-up  energy and started to run
I was finally able to grab hold of her after  receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that  if she didn't start
behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my  horror, she
looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If  you
don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma I saw you kissing
willie last night.' After this enlightening exchange, the silence  was
deafening. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered
last of my dignity and walked out of the bank, with my daughter in  tow.
The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me were screams  of

3rd  Place

"It  was the day before my 18th birthday. I was
living at home, but my parents had  gone out for the evening, so I
invited my girlfriend over for a romantic  night alone. As we lay in bed
after making love, we heard the telephone  ringing downstairs. I
suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back  ride down to
phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have  time to
dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights  suddenly
came on as a whole crowd of people yelled "SURPRISE". My entire  family
parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins as well as my  friends,
were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen on the spot in  a
state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
Since  then, no one in my family has planned any surprise  parties.

2nd  Place

A  lady picked up several items at a discount store.
When she finally got up to  the checkout, she learned that one of the
items had no price tag.

The  checkout girl got on the public address system,
which boomed out across the  store for everyone to hear, "Price check
for Tampax Super-size". But it got  worse...

Someone at the rear of the store apparently
misunderstood the  word Tampax' for 'Thumbtacks', and replied in a
business like tone, his voice  booming over the same public address
system: "Do you want the kind you push  in with your thumb or the kind
you belt in with a  hammer?"

1st  Place- And the winner is . . .

This  happened at a major  AustralianUniversity,
during  a biology lecture. A professor was discussing the high glucose
levels found  in semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked, "If I
understand you  correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in
male semen as in sugar?  "The professor responded, "Yes, that's correct"
adding some statistical data  to his lecture. Raising her hand again,
the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it  taste sweet?"

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst  out
laughing. The poor girl turned bright red, and as she realised  exactly
what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books, and  without
another word, walked out of the class - and never returned. However,  as
she was heading for the door, the professor's reply was a  classic.
Totally straight faced, he answered her question. "It doesn't  taste
sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of  your
tongue and not in the back of your throat."